John Munch: *Munch arrives at the cop bar. He's supposed to be meeting Logan for the first time in like a zillion years, since Mike has all those kids now*
John Munch: *and no time for his BFF Munch. Sadface.*
Mike Logan: *walks in* Beer. Now.
John Munch: *Munch is drinking a beer*
John Munch: *the bartender gets Mike a beer*
John Munch: Long time no see. You look fatter.
Mike Logan: *drinks it immediately*
Mike Logan: You look older, and I didn't think that was fucking possible.
Mike Logan: Beer me again.
John Munch: *bartender gets him another*
John Munch: Guess I don't have to ask how your day was. *motions to the beers*
Mike Logan: This is a pause between the figurative and literal shit my days have become filled with.
John Munch: *smug smirk*
Mike Logan: Wanna come to dinner? YOU can wipe the kid's ass.
John Munch: Which one?
John Munch: I thought Isa was potty-trained.
Mike Logan: The bigger one.
Mike Logan: Yeah, but she's having wiping issues
Mike Logan: So she yells for help.
John Munch: ......ew.
Mike Logan: Yeah. Like I said, you're invited over.
John Munch: ......thanks. I think my schedule's busy for awhile. You considered asking Wheeler? I thought she was your nanny--I mean, junior partner.
Mike Logan: I don't need MORE fucking kids over there. We've reached critical mass with plastic crap in the house.
Zach Nichols: *Nichols walks into a bar. Yep. True story. He's come to the sudden realization that he has no life, and he spends his free time making sure Connie eats.*
Zach Nichols: *Oh, and that breakup with Amelia. That was lame too. Yep. That's why Zach....is walking into a bar. And orders wine, like a SNOB.*
John Munch: *hears Nichols before he sees him* Who the hell orders wine in a cop bar?----*sees him* I should've known.
Mike Logan: What kind a'wine they have here? Boxed or just Night Train?
John Munch: *shakes his head* Zach Nichols. *to Logan* I thought he was dead.
Mike Logan: What, like you? How many mummies are in this city, anyhow?
Zach Nichols: *head tilt* I'm spry for a corpse. You though? You just keep on getting old.
John Munch: ......still amusing as ever. *sarcastic, to Nichols, and then to Logan* Does the Pillsbury Doughboy begrudge you for taking his job?
Mike Logan: What, you mean getting poked? Nah, that's your mom.
John Munch: *glare*
John Munch: *to Nichols* So it's true. You're back.
Zach Nichols: Yep. Danny likes being the boss of me.
John Munch: ....I'm sure. *evil smirk*
Zach Nichols: He says I owe him, payback and all.
Mike Logan: *rolls eyes* Is this where we start in with the gay jokes? Lame.
John Munch: You're just jealous because you didn't say it first. You were thinking it.
Zach Nichols: *shrug* He gave us a new car. Joke away.
Mike Logan: That ain't a NEW car.
Zach Nichols: It SMELLS like a new car to me.
Mike Logan: Maybe I need to eat an italian hoagie in there. Extra onions.
John Munch: *to Nichols* He's a cruel man.
Mike Logan: Damn. I should get one now. Problem is, the wife'll figure it out.
John Munch: Hah.
Mike Logan: Whatever.
Zach Nichols: *to Munch* I inherited his old desk. It was awful.
John Munch: ....I can imagine. *shudder* I wouldn't want to inherit anything of Logan's.
Zach Nichols: ....there was underwear left in it.
Mike Logan: What?
John Munch: Sick.
Mike Logan: Which ones?
Zach Nichols: I sent them back. You didn't get the box, with the underwear flag?
Mike Logan: No. Dammit, I'm missing a few.
John Munch: Maybe you shouldn't leave them in public places.
Mike Logan: My desk isn't a public place, you aging douche.
John Munch: That's disgusting that you need spares. Speaking of people not being able to wipe their own asses.
Mike Logan: It's because I misplace them, you sick fuck.
Mike Logan: SOME of us get laid regularly.
Zach Nichols: *.....keeps on drinking.*
John Munch: Sick. *meaning the fact that he apparently does it AT ONE POLICE PLAZA*.........*then, after a beat* Nichols, I hope you used Lysol on that desk.
Mike Logan: *drinks, snickering*
Zach Nichols: Oh, Millie assured me no such things happened on the desk. I was thinking that's how the creaky leg happened, but noooo.
Zach Nichols: I disinfected though. Thoroughly.
John Munch: Smart.
Mike Logan: It's not how it happened, no. But it sure didn't help.
Zach Nichols: *thinks that creaky leg is where Isa came from. ......just thinking.*
Zach Nichols: .....well, I have Goren's old desk now.
Mike Logan: Oh, that's even BETTER, *eyeroll*
John Munch: Gee, what'd you find in there? Books with boogers on the pages.
Mike Logan: Naw, he eats those.
Mike Logan: What doesn't that fat fuck eat?
Zach Nichols: ......should you really be talking?
Zach Nichols: I was told from day one to hide my food from you.
Mike Logan: Ow. Asshole.
Mike Logan: Yeah. FOOD. Not bodily wastes.
Zach Nichols: Well, he didn't leave anything exciting. But because of his.....inability to button his coat, I'm optimistic for my sake he didn't get laid on that desk.
Zach Nichols: Or, ever, for the sake of women.
Zach Nichols: Or men, for that matter.
Mike Logan: ...holy crap. That possibility never even crossed my mind.
John Munch: ....that Goren could be gay?
John Munch: *pauses, blinks*
Mike Logan: *makes a "picturing Goren having guysex face"*
John Munch: ....that could explain so much.
Mike Logan: It could, but for chrissakes, ew.
John Munch: Any kind of Gorensex....*shudder*
Mike Logan: He's the type of guy who talks to you through the stall. You think that fatass was flirting?
Zach Nichols: ....... *gets a refill*
John Munch: He talks to you through the stall?
John Munch: *wondering about MCS Male Bonding*
John Munch: Maybe. Did he tap his foot?
Mike Logan: I don't know! I was BUSY.
Mike Logan: He's all "blah, blah, blah," I'm trying to concentrate!
Zach Nichols: *very serious* He wanted you. Bad.
Mike Logan: Impossible.
Mike Logan: What I was doing could've neutered an elephant.
John Munch: Maybe he's turned on by it.
John Munch: You know there's a term for that.
Zach Nichols: Well, I don't see the reasoning on any level, but he was a disturbed man.
John Munch: We had this case once...
John Munch: I can see him being pretty sexually deviant
John Munch: If you know what I mean.
Zach Nichols: ....right.
Mike Logan: Christ.
John Munch: *shrugs*
Zach Nichols: Apparently Goren wanted to be sexually deviant with you.
John Munch: *drinks*
John Munch: Makes sense.
John Munch: Maybe he had cameras in the toilet.
John Munch: We had a case like that....sick stuff.
Zach Nichols: I should've sent him the underwear I found in my desk.
Mike Logan: Those were mine, asshole.
John Munch: You didn't write your name in them. *eyeroll*
Zach Nichols: That's the idea. He would've known and tried to tap his foot at you later.
John Munch: Mmhmm. *smirkity smirk*
John Munch: Maybe he would've smelled them and known it was him. I hear he had a super sniffer. Like a dog.
Zach Nichols: I've heard that rumor too.
Mike Logan: I can't believe you two. I actually get better conversation from my three year old.
John Munch: Really?
Zach Nichols: Isa is exceptionally bright....
John Munch: *glare*
Zach Nichols: What? She is.
John Munch: My conversation is completely rooted in intellectual discourse. *shifty eyes*
Mike Logan: Oh, it's ROOTED all right.
Megan Wheeler: *It's been a long day. Long. Which calls for beer. And she makes it up to the bar to order before she hears familiar voices. ...Crap. Maybe if she just pretends they don't exist, they won't notice her.*
Mike Logan: Kid's smart enough to spot the flaws in your stupid bar plan
John Munch: My bar plan isn't stupid.
Zach Nichols: You know, Logan, you should be flattered. The MCS crazy man wanted you bad. That alone is more action that Munch has seen in at least two decades.
John Munch: Excuse me, I've been married several times in the last two decades. I’ve had my fair share of action.
Zach Nichols: I know.
John Munch: Do they let people of your height mate, Nichols?
John Munch: I thought when you reached that altitude...
Zach Nichols: ........they used to. *drinks* Don't go there.
Megan Wheeler: *silently signalling the bartender for one beer* *totally planning to slink off to a corner* *is not good at miming what she wants*
John Munch: *shakes his head, sees Wheeler* Speaking of tall Major Case detectives.....*loudly* Hey, Wheeler!
Mike Logan: His action is what gave him a weak elbow. *makes jerking-offmotion.*
Mike Logan: Crap. Now I'm gonna have nightmares about you with Goren. I need another beer.
John Munch: Whatever,you're the one he loooves.
Zach Nichols: And Logan's rejection is the real reason he left. which is fine with me. I have Alex and a real desk.
Megan Wheeler: *shakes her head but has to reply* Hey, Munch.
John Munch: You don't -have- Alex.
John Munch: She's getting married.
Zach Nichols: Well, no.
Zach Nichols: True.
Zach Nichols: .....stop pointing things out, Munch.
John Munch: *to Logan* NIchols likes his partner.
John Munch: *liiiiikes*
Zach Nichols: ..............shut up.
Mike Logan: Yeah, I can see it.
John Munch: *to Wheeler* What brings you here? Wait, let me guess. Desperation. *because, that's obviously why they're all there.*
Mike Logan: Not see-it, see it. The mechanics alone don't work.
Zach Nichols: Oh come on, because of the height? You ass.
John Munch: She's like four feet. You're like seven. *shrug* He has a point.
Megan Wheeler: *knows she shouldn't say anything, but* Height's not that hard to work around.
John Munch: *coughs*
John Munch: *like, almost a choke-cough, but he controls it*
Zach Nichols: THANK YOU. I knew I liked you.
John Munch: *then after regaining his composure* You have a short boyfriend, Wheeler?
Megan Wheeler: I have. *takes her beer from the bartender, sits*
John Munch: *snicker*
Zach Nichols: Not that I have any interest there, you know, because.... I don't. And besides, Munch, Amelia was short. Remember?
Mike Logan: *chokes on beer*
Mike Logan: You chinese-finger-trapped?
John Munch: NO.
John Munch: EW.
John Munch: JESUS CHRIST.
John Munch: I've mether.
John Munch: Not--ew. You sick fuck.
Mike Logan: Yeah, I just BET you haven't.
Mike Logan: Did you two make EYE contact?
Mike Logan: That negates the girl.
Megan Wheeler: I need to find a new bar.
John Munch: ...I need to find new friends.
Mike Logan: Back me up, Wheeler.
Mike Logan: Eye contact alone means the girl doesn't count!
John Munch: Nichols' ex was a TARU tech. ....which means, ew, Logan might've....*to Nichols* You know Logan used to get around.
John Munch: I mean, around.
Zach Nichols: ........................................
Mike Logan: Well, yeah.
Mike Logan: Blonde?
Zach Nichols: ........yeah.
Mike Logan: I hit EVERY blonde in the section in the nineties.
John Munch: TARU had women in the nineties?
Mike Logan: Lucky for me, Rodgers didn't dye her hair until - women ONLY, jackass.
Zach Nichols: She doesn't like fat men. That's just a fact.
Mike Logan: Fuck you, I'm not fat.
Mike Logan: I'm just big boned. Especially certain bones.
John Munch: Yeah like your ass bones.
Zach Nichols: Sure. That's why Goren wanted to hit that.
Mike Logan: Christ. I need ANOTHER beer. And I'm telling my wife why I came home loaded.
Mike Logan: She's gonna rip you both a new one.
John Munch: *eyeroll* She likes me.
Mike Logan: By the way, Wheeler, wanna come to dinner?
Megan Wheeler: When?
Mike Logan: Tonight?
Mike Logan: You can see the kid's new trick.
John Munch: She's not a dog.
Megan Wheeler: New trick?
Mike Logan: I know. A dog, I could just walk. I wouldn't have to have a conversation about it.
John Munch: Nice.
Zach Nichols: *is not paying attention because he's playing with his phone, debating whether or not to call said ex to check on chance of diseases via Logan. because DUDE, he did get around. he heard stories from Lenny, yo.*
John Munch: *to Wheeler* I'm sorry you couldn't have gotten a housebroken partner.
Mike Logan: I'm housebroken. The kid is also housebroken, mostly.
John Munch: And the new one?
Mike Logan: He just shits wherever. He's a baby. What's your excuse, captain depends?
John Munch: Hey!
Mike Logan: Oh, I'm sorry. SERGEANT Depends.
Megan Wheeler: And this is my partner. ...Seriously, I thought the captain liked me.
John Munch: He apparently likes Nichols well enough. New car, partnered with Eames...
Zach Nichols: *mostly to Munch, though he's clearly all O.o about something* You know.....I should go for a redhead. A tall one. That's safe, right? No chance of Logan germs.....
John Munch: ........yes. I know the perfect tall redhead who Logan would never do.
Megan Wheeler: *looks at Nichols. Yes, this is what caught her attention* New car? Damn you.
Zach Nichols: And freckles are adora- *heard his name* Huh? Oh. yeah. Danny recruited me from hiatus. And I convinced him that Alex needed a new car. He used to be my partner back in the day.
Mike Logan: I've banged plenty of redheads. Just not underaged ones. *jerks thumb at Wheeler.*
Mike Logan: Wait, were you talking about WHEELER?
John Munch: She might be too young for you. And you're Ross's new favorite, so...
John Munch: There might be a jealousy thing.
Mike Logan: That's borderline pedophilia.
Zach Nichols: Damn it, Logan. And your wife is brunette, so what options are left? .........does Amelia need to checked for diseases?
Megan Wheeler: *...is just staring at the three of them now*
Mike Logan: Also, wouldn't you be thinking of Alfalfa from the Little Rascals the whole time? No offense, Wheeler, but the hairdo is similar.
Mike Logan: Yeah, maybe. None of the big ones, though.
John Munch: *to Mike, like it's shocking news* You're a jackass.
Megan Wheeler: Some day, Logan. Some day.
Mike Logan: And you're old. that's news?
Mike Logan: Never, Wheeler, never.
Zach Nichols: .................................serious
John Munch: Some day what? You're going to punch him?
John Munch: Because people would pay to see that.
John Munch: You could make at least a few grand.
Megan Wheeler: I could take him.
Mike Logan: She could catfight with my wife. I used to think that would be hot, but it's just kind of brutal.
Mike Logan: Seriously what? Like you never had crabs.
John Munch: I'd put my money on you. *to Wheeler*
Zach Nichols: Munch. I....need you to call Amelia. I can't let her be out there alone with some disease from Logan.
John Munch: .......and you're too much of a wuss to do it? Okay.
Mike Logan: Oh, for fuck's sake, it's maybe the clap.
John Munch: Okay wait.
Mike Logan: And it's very possible I got it from HER.
Zach Nichols: Amelia isn't like that!
John Munch: Be logical about this. Logan. You've been taken by Millie for like four years.
Mike Logan: It's not like I'm patient zero or anything.
John Munch: If Amelia had the clap or crabs?
John Munch: She'd know by now. *eyeroll*
John Munch: Jesus Christ.
Mike Logan: Chlamydia and cervical warts
Mike Logan: They take a while.
Megan Wheeler: Munch, don't try to introduce logic.
John Munch: Cervical--you can get that from sex with anyone.
John Munch: I mean. Women can.
John Munch: ......*takes a long drink of beer*
Mike Logan: I dunno. I just made it a habit to get more penicillin in me than a Red Cross unit.
John Munch: *to Logan* I thought you used to keep your neighborhood bodega in business with your condom purchases.
Mike Logan: Yeah, so?
Mike Logan: There's a LOT of ways to catch shit.
Zach Nichols: This is awful. This is just awful. I haven't talked to her since it ended. It was a seven year thing. She didn't have a disease that I know of, but....but STILL.
John Munch: So, those're s'posed to prevent dis----ew.
John Munch: *to Wheeler* How do you get through every day?
Mike Logan: Besides, she might've been the one who went ass-to-mouth.
John Munch: *to Wheeler* I feel bad for you, like i should be giving you money or something for having to put up with him.
Megan Wheeler: *holds up her beer*
Mike Logan: *drinks*
Megan Wheeler: This is how.
Megan Wheeler: Though I'd totally take donations.
Mike Logan: I don't mind it if they do it, but I draw the line at kissing after.
John Munch: *to the bartender* Get the woman another beer, will you? *and then, to Mike* I'm telling your wife that you're being disgusting in public.
Mike Logan: Which is weird. I mean, I'll put my mouth all over a woman's ass, and I don't mind if hers has been on my dick, but there's just something about - you wouldn't DARE.
Mike Logan: She's a firm believer in shooting the messenger.
Zach Nichols: *has downed another glass, waiting for refill*
John Munch: I'll make sure to call her. *sweet smile* I'm sure she'll love to hear about you bragging about your sexual exploits and diseases.
Mike Logan: Did this Amelia chick go ass-to-mouth?
John Munch: *gets out his phone*
Mike Logan: That, I would remember.
Zach Nichols: NO.
Megan Wheeler: *looks at Nichols* This is why we block out anything Logan says if it's not about a case.
Mike Logan: *to Wheeler* It always struck me as a little backwards.
John Munch: *dialing, waits.....is he calling Amelia or Millie? Good question...*
Mike Logan: If you call my wife, I'll say it's because I told you to quit looking at her tits.
John Munch: Like she'd believe you.
Mike Logan: *to Nichols* It's entirely possible. Her tits are great.
Mike Logan: She would. She thinks everyone looks at her tits.
Zach Nichols: .....
John Munch: *on the phone* Hey, it's Munch. Uh-huh. Yeah, I'm in a bar with Mike and Zach Nichols and Megan Wheeler. *pause* Yeah, he's telling everyone about your boobs. About how you think everyone looks at them and about how much he enjoys them.....*pause, and then Millie yelling*
Mike Logan: Relax. If I kicked people's ass for checking her out, I'd be exhausted.
Megan Wheeler: *watches Nichol's mug be refilled before she can get a second drink... might have just reached over to try and steal it*
Mike Logan: Gimme the phone.
John Munch: *Munch holds out the phone to Mike, Millie can be heard yelling, 'give him the phone, give him the damn phone'*
Mike Logan: Hey, baby. I said it. So what?
Millie Logan: * on the other end* So, cut it out, ayy, in public, cochino.
Mike Logan: I had to defend your honor.
Megan Wheeler: *loudly* Bull.
Mike Logan: The new guy said that Goren was after my ass.
Millie Logan *on the other end of the line* More like you're trying to outdo everyone else in the bar. And when're you coming home, huh? Is that Wheeler? Tell her to bring you home........wait, wut?
Mike Logan: Yep. Wanna talk to him?
Zach Nichols: You said you did my ex and possibly gave her a disease.
Millie Logan: *on phone to Mike*....was Goren gay? Is that why he left?
Mike Logan: *to Nichols* I did do your ex, and she prolly gave ME something.
Mike Logan: *to Millie* That's what he says. Sick, hunh?
Zach Nichols: Amelia wasn't like that.
Megan Wheeler: *leaning toward the phone* So wouldn't be surprised, Millie. So wouldn't.
Millie Logan: *phone* Hey! Stop talking about doing other women.
Mike Logan: *to Nichols* Wasn't like what? Social diseases aren't confined to certain people.
Mike Logan: Statistically speaking, hot people get them most often.
Mike Logan: *back to Millie* I'm NOT. It was past tense.
Megan Wheeler: *still leaning toward phone* I can totally hit him for you.
Mike Logan: Hang on, baby. Wheeler, did Goren like guys on the commode?
Millie Logan: *to Mike* Give Megan the phone! *annoyed*
Mike Logan: *hands it over*
Zach Nichols: Please hit him.
Megan Wheeler: *takes the phone* Hey.
Mike Logan: *back to Nichols* What, this Amelia wasn't hot?
Millie Logan: *now to Wheeler on phone* Hit him. Now.
Megan Wheeler: *shifts on her bar stool to punch at Logan's arm, holding the phone with her other hand*
Zach Nichols: She didn't get around much.... I mean, seven years was a long time....
Mike Logan: Ow, fuck.
Megan Wheeler: *into the phone* Did it!
Mike Logan: Yeah, well, that was my main appeal. Didn't have to travel far.
Zach Nichols: You aren't her type. You're too.... *wants to say fat* She wouldn't have.
Mike Logan: Why don't you ask her? Trust me, she'd remember.
Millie Logan: *to Wheeler* Good. Do it again.
Megan Wheeler: *punches at Logan's arm again*
Mike Logan: Ow, what the fuck?
Megan Wheeler: *grins* Just doing what I'm told.
Mike Logan: Yeah, well, now my arm's too sore to handle the kids.
Mike Logan: That sounded bad.
Mike Logan: Anyhow, tell her she's on her own for shit duty now.
Millie Logan: *to Wheeler* I'll give him an injury to cry about.
Megan Wheeler: *just laughs*
John Munch: *Munch wonders if he'll ever get his phone back*